When the Enemy Makes You Desperate

It’s not bad to desire more of God or even to be desperate for more of Him. It’s beautiful to be in love with God and want to know Him more deeply. But what happens when desperation isn't drawing us toward God? What happens when fear, pain, or spiritual warfare makes us desperate?

There are people who don't understand the love of God. Some don't know where to find resources, community, love, or a sense of belonging. They may have tried different things to ease their pain. Maybe something works for a moment, but eventually they need more and more of it just to keep burying what hurts.

Yes, there are people whose hearts seem cold and who show little remorse for the harm they cause. But I believe many of the hurting people we encounter aren't trying to hurt others. They're simply trying to bury their own pain.

Christians can fall into unhealthy desperation, too.

I remember experiencing so much anxiety and what I understood as spiritual warfare that I became completely wrapped up in what I was feeling. I found myself explaining my pain to almost anyone who would listen.

Don't get me wrong—vulnerability is healthy. There is a time and place to share what we're going through, and we need trustworthy people in our lives. But we can become so dependent on other people's reassurance that we end up lost in confusion. We listen to so many voices that we forget God is right there, wanting to lead us, guide us, comfort us and teach us.

I've fallen into that trap, and I know I'm not alone.

When Fear Changes How We See People

I've also noticed how easily fear can influence the way Christians respond to people they don't understand.

Someone may hear that a person struggles with anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, autism, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder or another condition, and suddenly fear enters the conversation.

The same thing can happen when someone shares a traumatic history. Maybe they were raped. Maybe they grew up without a father. Maybe they lived with abuse or instability.

People become concerned and start asking questions: Have you received counseling? Is your family helping you? Do you have support?

Those questions aren't necessarily wrong. Sometimes they come from genuine concern. But when you're the person on the receiving end, it can begin to feel as though people see your trauma, diagnosis or circumstances before they see you. It can even feel as though they believe you're incapable of functioning in society.

I'm not saying that's always what people are thinking. We can never truly know another person's thoughts or motives. But their fear can sometimes communicate that message, whether they intend it to or not.

When People Didn't Believe Me

I remember experiencing something similar after I left home.

Part of me was still in survival mode. I was desperately trying to get away from people and circumstances that I believed were hurting me. I was carrying years of emotional and verbal pain, but people looking at my situation from the outside didn't always understand what I was experiencing.

Some didn't believe that the abuse was real. Others seemed to write me off as crazy or question my perception of what had happened. I felt as though my reality was being dismissed when what I desperately wanted was for someone to understand the pain I had been carrying.

At the same time, I can look back now and understand another part of the picture.

People saw someone hurting, crying and doing everything she could to avoid becoming homeless. I was still operating from a fight-or-flight response. From their perspective, they may have been frightened or worried about me.

They couldn't understand why I was so desperate to get away. To them, the place where I grew up may have looked safe.

But to me, it wasn't.

Today, I am incredibly thankful for how far I've come. Looking back has also taught me something important: desperation can make both the hurting person and the people trying to help them respond from fear.

And fear isn't always a good guide.

Authors Jeff Crippen and Anna Wood have written about the difficulty abuse survivors can face when trying to be believed, including within Christian communities, and about how abusive people can use religious appearances to hide what is happening beneath the surface.

That should challenge the church.

When someone comes to us hurting, maybe our first response shouldn't always be to figure them out, fix them or decide what is wrong with them.

Maybe sometimes we need to listen.

Maybe we need to ask God for wisdom.

Maybe we need to help people find healthy resources without making them feel ashamed for needing them.

And maybe those of us who are hurting need to remember something, too: people can support us, counselors can help us, friends can walk beside us and community matters—but none of them can become our God.

When fear makes us desperate, we can reach for anyone who promises relief.

But God is still there.

He can meet us in the confusion. He can teach us discernment. He can lead us toward healthy people and healthy decisions. And He can remind us that desperation doesn't have to control where we go next.

References

Crippen, J., & Wood, A. (2012). A cry for justice: How the evil of domestic abuse hides in your church! Calvary Press.